Lily Hamilton - Aged 11
We are led into the story believing this is a simple downtempo slice-of-life drama, as this story perfectly recreates the tension and tedium of the busy waiting room. … But no! The writing soon gives way to the opening of a tense detective serial! The normally banal attention to detail brilliantly set up both the protagonist and a larger mystery, and the cliff-hanger ending perfectly sets up enough intrigue & suspense to compel the audience to read more! The dialogue was beautifully written and the character of Lucy Dots was satisfyingly well-rounded. She is so level-headed and strong. We hope she manages to catch the real killer and want to find out what happened after that cliffhanger! Well done!
The Guilt in the Shadows
Lucy sat in the stuffy doctors waiting room watching everyone eagerly. One lady dozing, a man reading the newspaper, his hand clutching his stomach and an old lady coughing so hard her false teeth flew out! Lucy instantly spotted a pin lying there on the floor, it had quite clearly fell out of the large bulletin board above her head. She resisted the urge to pick it up and place it back in the board, since she’d have to reach between everyone’s legs and they were all was already frustrated enough. Suddenly click clacking of high heels came from ahead, that told her someone would be put out of their misery in this over-flowing room. She crossed her fingers it would be her. She let out a huge sigh of relief when she heard
“Miss Lucy Dots, please” in a very clear voice, the type of voice that ran a chill through her body. Lucy let out a little smile of thanks and quickly picked up her bag and the red pin that was frustrating her, placed it back in, and left. As she walked through the waiting room she received many jealous looks.
“Just in there” the receptionist said.
“Ah, thank you.” She replied.
“He may be a few minutes late, he just had to pop to the loo”
“Oh ok, no worries”
She opened the wooden door with the sign above it that read: Dr Inch and slipped in the chair opposite the doctor’s desk. Before she knew it she was taking in everything on his desk: a rugby-shaped stress ball, a picture of him and a very stunning lady, some stationary and an envelope opener. She saw a shadow pass by the door, she thought that was unusual since her doctor’s office was right at the end of the corridor and there was no where to go after that. So unless it was her doctor, no one should’ve been there. She peeped out the door, no one.
Suspiciously she sat back, glancing at the clock. It had been five minutes. She grabbed the envelope knife off his desk and started spinning it in her fingers. The clock ticked by in front of her. It had now been twenty minutes. Grabbing her bag and sliding the knife back into its place she opened the door. The sound of sirens flooded in on her and a puzzled expression crossed her face. She now had a very bad feeling about whatever was going to happen.
Before she knew it she was in the unmistakable presence of police officers. Most police officers hated her since she took all their cases and she had a feeling these guys did too. She was in the waiting room once again, but this time being interrogated.
“Please state your name, business and alibi.” Said a stern looking police officer with a shaved head and a sickly smell of aftershave.
“Lucy Dots, private investigator, I was sat in the doctor’s office waiting for my doctor” she replied smoothly.
She saw him and another police officer with blonde, floppy hair exchange looks of disgust.
“Oh it’s you” said the other police officer.
“Is there a problem?” She asked, raising her eyebrows.
“We ask the questions around here. I’m Axel” said the one with the shaved head.
“And I’m Jacob” said the other.
“Mhm” replied Lucy with a look of boredom on her face.
“Can you tell me everything you remember about your doctor’s appointment at 10:15?” carried on Jacob.
He said it like it was a question but Lucy knew it was a command. So she told them everything that had happened since she’d got to the doctor’s.
“Could you tell me why we found your fingerprints on Doctor Inch’s envelope knife, the weapon that killed him?” asked Axel.
“ I think you mean allegedly killed him and like I said it’s because I was spinning it between my fingers.”
“Why would you be doing that hm? ”Axel carried on.
“I dunno..guess I was bored,” Lucy said. “How about instead of interviewing innocent people, you check the security cameras?”
“Already tried, genius. The killer blocked off the cameras and they aren’t allowed cameras in the doctor’s office.” Replied smug-looking Jacob.
“Great, no proof” Lucy thought.
A man came barging through the doors, Lucy knew this was the Captain of their precinct.
“Suspect Lucy Dots shall be held behind bars until further notice” he informed the officers.
“What? No I’m not guilty, it’s not fair” she wept.
She was being put into the back of the car by their Captain and crying.
“The real killer is still out there. Were they meant to frame me? Will Gizmo be ok? Am I tough enough for jail? The only person that would bail me out is my nutty Aunt Clara but she’s struggling with money.” she thought.
And then a cold thought crossed her mind.
The shadow. The shadow she had seen. It was the murderer. The shadow held the guilt. But how could she prove it?