Jessie Cowper - Aged 13
This is an engaging story from the get-go. It sets up mysteries instantly and has us wondering what comes next after that cliffhanger. A series of twists and turns, captured with charming characters and snappy sentences, sets up this fantastic & magical young-adult adventure! We loved the character of Laia. The way she is described at the beginning signals to the reader that she is a character born for adventuring. The link between her curiosity about exploration and the way her parents died is believable. The way she questions her own courage gives the character depth. We would love to read the whole thing. Well done!
Laia was sat at the kitchen table, an old adventure book in her lap. She was reading through it, entranced by all the stories. Tales of great explorers, old and new. She often badgered her aunt with questions about what happened to her parents, even though she was sure she knew the answer. “They died on an expedition when you were a baby, Laia, now quit asking.” Her aunt had said. Nonetheless, it kept Laia curious about explorers, who ventured out into dangerous jungles and stormy seas. As Laia started her silent daydream, there was a knock at the door which caused her to drop her book and spill her cornflakes on the floor.
“Oh, Laia!” Her aunt sighed. She went to open the door as Laia grabbed a cloth and started busily cleaning up the mess. She couldn’t help overhearing her aunt speaking to a man at the front door, so she curiously pressed her ear to the wall that connected to the halway.
“So, yes, it’s rather urgent.” A gruff man’s voice spoke. “And I’m sorry.” Laia’s heart thumped. What? What on earth was this person talking about?
She stood up and made her way to the door. “Hello….” She said cautiously.
The man smiled. “Greetings, Laia Sky. I have some rather alarming news. Your friend, Victor, has been captured.”
“By who?!” Laia asked, shocked.
“Arthur Riding.” The man’s face darkened. “He’s a cruel man, looking to steal your cousin’s magical powers, I can only assume.”
“How do you know my name is Laia? A-and how do you know about our family’s powers?” She was too astonished to take it in.
“Alexander is an old friend of mine.” Said Laia’s aunt.
“Indeed.” Alexander continued. “I’ve got something for you here.”
He handed her an old, crumpled scroll of paper. Laia unravelled it to reveal a large, faded map.
“I apologise for its condition.” Alexander said. “It’s very old.”
“What….is this for?” She asked.
“To find your cousin. The ‘X’ is where we assume he is held hostage.” He looked her in the eyes. “Assume.” He repeated. “And you will be able to get there using your powers and perhaps a little imagination.”
And so, Laia decided this was a quest she must take. How exciting, she had always wanted to be an explorer. But some level of doubt was weighing on her mind. Hadn’t her parents died on an expedition? Still, she had to try.
At sunrise the next morning, she set off with a heartfelt goodbye to her aunt.
“Please keep yourself safe, Laia.” She said.
“Don’t worry, I will.”
And with that, she left her seafront house and ran down along the beach, the cool sand feeling somewhat welcoming. She held the map at an angle, and stared out across the vast expanse of the sea. The map showed that she must make her way across the sea to reach the shore, near where Victor was trapped.
Desperately, she searched for anything that could get her there. Laia found an old, rather small boat. It looked abandoned - but was still on the docks. She had been taught how to steer a boat by her uncle, who had sadly died when she was seven. But, he had taught her well - and she was steering the boat out into the sea within minutes.
After what seemed like hours of carefully steering the boat through the calm sea, Laia retrieved the map again, crumpled in the pocket of her jeans - but there was no other place to store it. She made sure that she was heading in the correct direction, before folding it up again and continuing her journey. She’d made sure to bring food with her, as well as a blanket and several other supplies - and by the time the sun was setting, she decided to lay down the blanket and pillow and try to fall asleep on the boat - a feat she managed within minutes, as the journey had tired her out.
As the sun rose the next morning, Laia was shocked to realise she was already at the shore.
How strange. She thought. I assumed it would take longer than that.
Cautiously, she anchored the boat in the sand, gathered her things and jumped down onto the shore. Once she had made her way across the sand, she looked around, telling herself not to worry, and that she would be fine.
Once she reached the edge of the beach, she noticed the landscape. Large, leafy trees in every direction with thick growth beneath them.
A jungle?!
Heart thumping, she raced towards the trees, and held out the map once more. She could see the jungle clearly now she knew what it was. The X was nearby.
After walking for what seemed like hours, she arrived at the foot of a tall, stone tower. Vines wrapped around it from all angles, it looked ancient and broken. But she was here. At the X. So, Laia made her way towards the battered door, and opened it. The sight that met her eyes was exactly what she had been looking for.
In the centre of the room was a large cage - with Victor inside. His face lit up as Laia approached him.
“Laia!” He cried. “Are you here to rescue me?”
“Yes.” She answered, her throat suddenly dry. “Is….Arthur Riding here?”
“No.” Victor’s face darkened. “He’s left me here. But I don’t think it‘ll be long until his guards are back.”
Laia looked at the lock on the cage.
Well, it had to come in useful one day, She thought.
Willing her powers into her control, she held out her hand to the lock.
Focus. She thought. It’ll work.
Suddenly, a red laser beam shot out of her fist, obliterating the lock so that the door of the cage swung open.
Stunned, she just stood there.
“YES!” Victor shouted. He ran up and hugged her. “You did it!”
“Yes…..but how are we going to get home?”