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Hana Basweidan - Aged 12

This story has so many twists and turns! Like any good haunted-house story we begin with sunshine & innocence… From there, well rendered characters & the subtle ratcheting of tension build up a ghost-story without ever betraying the destination. The dialogue between your characters is great. We could sense all their different emotions during this roller-coaster story. The line ‘She interrogated the electricity box as if she was a master detective’ is fantastic! Some very rich descriptions. The use of onomatopoeia through the story creates a great level of suspense and gives great frights to the readers. We loved the character of Yacoub and his shuffling misery - you built on his character beautifully and we loved how unique this story was.

It was a sunny, uneventful day in late August. The sun was shining, elated and excited for the new opportunities that were beginning. The blue skies were as engaging as shimmering diamonds, watching and waiting for the events below. The trees swished in the air with anticipation as the pavements were boiling under them, yet the air was as fresh as the newly bought house.
 
Today, Maya and Yacoub were moving houses, into a forest with an all green perimeter. Their new natural environment meant their house was close to a crystal lake so clean you could see right through it.

Feeling both nervous and excited of the new area, they were rushing to get all their upholster bags packed. They threw smaller bags first to the movers, as they formed a line to fill the tremendously huge moving truck, back to front. Yacoub showed his gratitude for helping him by saying thank you.
 
“Finally” Yacoub tiredly said (even though he spent most of the time just watching everyone else). Both Maya and Yacoub slowly walked through their old house, sharing memories they had had in the environment. ”Remember when we got a new rug but then we both dropped it right in the center” he said.
 
"And that time my little baby cousin came and destroyed your mom's lamp”, said Maya. They both laughed together. Yacoub looked rather sad while laughing; it wasn’t athe proper goofy laugh Maya was used to hearing. Leaving the house he had lived and grown up in his whole life was a really hard decision for him to make. They took one more glance at their bedroom, and with his head down, Yacoub silently shuffled his way out the house.
 
Crying inside Maya then reassured him. “Don’t worry if you like we can come back in the summer to visit your family again? Come on then. Let’s hop into the van and drive to the new place”.
 
As Yacoub sulked, like he was suffering from a hunched back, he continued to walk slowly towards the van white van he had bought with his late father.  Organised as always, Maya had already started the engine. Reluctantly, Yacoub had no choice but to speed up his walk. However, Maya continued to smile and tried to change Yacoub's emotions too, as they headed off on a new journey.
 
A few hours passed. As they drove, the pair saw packed cows in a farm, as well as a tiny baby horse with skinny limbs that made them look like Slenderman. “A dog-shaped cloud!” Yacoub excitedly screamed; he had cheered up substantially from the beginning of the journey.
 
After playing I-Spy for another hour, they entered a dark, gloomy forest. They had arrived, with the truck trailing behind. They realized the house was in an ill-lit, pitch-black forest, with towering trees looking down at them. The clouds hid the sun. The day turned sad and boring. The car had a few drops of water on the windshield. It became so dark and visibility became very poor. The clouds were the colour of smoked coal, as if there had been a fire. However, this didn’t stop the happy couple from finding their dream home.
 
They turned on the car's bright lights. FLICK! A flickering brightness shone ahead, as if they were in a hospital.
 
It didn’t help much because it was quite foggy. It felt like they were navigating their way through a maze, going over rocks in the word. “Feeling a bit sick?” Yacoub asked.
 
“Yes very much so actually, I feel like I’m in a rollercoaster”. Maya said as the car continued to rock forward and back. “Look! Look! That's the house! Over to the right”  She had jumped out of her chair to point at it, through Yacoub's window.
 
Yacoub then took a sharp turn, and they both shifted to the right.  As they drove closer, they started to  question if this was the right house. “ I thought it was supposed to be modern and bright, with a swimming pool, and really cool doors that open by themselves. This just looks like a sloppy 100 year old MESS!” Yacoub called out. He wasn’t wrong it did look like a sloppy building.
 
“It’s ok, we’ll fix it up” Maya reassured him. They hopped out the car and directed the movers on where to put the truck.When Yacoub had tried opening the truck door he couldn’t help but notice the door wasn’t fully closed.
 
“MAYA! We have a problem did we bring the furniture or is it back at our house?! Yacoub yelled. Maya walked closer thinking he was just going mad but he wasn’t…
 
The furniture really had disappeared. The truck was as plain as vanilla ice cream. Yacoub and Maya stood in shock, eyesa and mouth all pried open . But before they could discuss the situation, they heard a screeching noise coming from the front door
 
Strutting closer to the door to observe it in silent, it slowly crept open. The house's mysterious actions continued as they tried to make themselves at home. Firstly, they found all their clothes , food, and furniture were packed into some old drawers, closets, and rooms. Who had unpacked them? Nobody knew.
 
However, as they were exhausted from their journey, and feeling a tiny bit tired, the pair decided to get some rest instead of exploring the mysterious house.
 
It was around 5 AM the next day when Maya woke up, due to the thunder and rain. She got out of bed with her legs still in pain from lifting all the heavy boxes the day before. She was excited to make her first coffee in their new house. She was looking forward to filling the house the familiar bitter smell.
 
One of the windows slammed shut as she placed her mug on the counter which made it shimmy off. Even the coffee machine didn’t work . She interrogated the electricity box as if she was a master detective. It was turned on, just not working. After a few minutes, it turned on and she made her black coffee, which tasted bitter and old even thought bought it a few days ago. For some reason the kitchen lights turned on and off 2 times as if it was calling for help.
 
It happened again. 
 
She then checked if Yacoub was awake making sure he wasn’t pulling any silly pranks. He wasn’t… 
 
Objects were dancing of the table. BAM! CRASH! BOOM!
 
Yacoub woke up to all this noise. Rushing out his bed confused, Yacoub asked “ Are you ok what happened to the lamp?!” She felt like someone was watching her every move. Her heart started pounding out of her chest like she was getting heart surgery, her hands started to shake in fear even more then when someone murdered her innocent kitten in a hit and run.
 
It was more silent then silence itself.
 
Out of the blue her newly bought lamp shook and started making its way of the coffee table. A shadow slowly crept towards her and just as Yacoub turned around,  he saw it.. Maya was shaking in the corner as if she was possessed. Yacoub was trying his best to figure out what it was whilst comforting Maya. 
 
It came closer and closer until. “SLASH”. It had been killed but by who?
 
Yacoub and Maya both rushed to reunite with each other after the death plot. Still panting Maya asked, “Who was that? What was trying to kill me? And who saved our lives?”
 
“I don’t know anything about that monster ok I’m just happy we’re all ok”.
 
Just as that weird inconvenience happened, they rushed to start packing and calling the movers back. Grabbing all the things they had brought the truck arrived, they didn’t care about neatness the just wanted to get out! They hoped back in the car with pacing hearts and drove of back into the dark depressing rain forest.
 
Driving home fast it became sunny with dazzling lakes and a shimmering sun, where it was a lot brighter than the house. The ran into the house grateful they were safe. And right outside they had finally found their lost luggage. Still unpacking Maya had eventually found out all she needed to know. The person who saved her was pale white with a cowboy hat who looked exactly like Yacoub’s dad! But the mystery ghost is still unknown.

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